Friends help you move

Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.

People in glass houses should always wear clothes.
Be careful whose toes you step on today,
they might be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.

When tempted to fight fire with fire,
remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

When you fall off a horse don't get back on because the horse probably doesn't like you
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges,
but eventually you find a hairstyle you like.

Look over there, you can hear them plain as day.
"So many cheques, so little money."
"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way."
"The light at the end of a tunnel may be an oncoming train."
"On the other hand, you have different fingers."
"As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841."

The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ~Napoleon Bonaparte~

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
I don't drink water, fish piss in it .
"Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle. Not even for lunch."
Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots.
There's no future in time travel.
Born free... Taxed to death.
If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now.

I have an open mind - it's just closed for repairs.
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
You're just jealous cause the voices only talk to me.
Support Search & Rescue - GET LOST!

He who laughs last thinks slowest!
I like children. Properly cooked.
W.C. FieldsIf it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full public view.
Rehab is for quitters.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Somebody who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
To err is human.
And stupid.

"Even if you're paranoid, maybe they really are after you."
"A friend in need is a pest indeed."
"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."
"Ask not for whom the bell tolls, let the machine get it."

Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

"A king's castle is his home."
"Some women get excited about nothing and then marry him."
"Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time."
"High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail."
"You're never too old to learn something stupid."
"Enough research will tend to support your theory."
Borstelmann's Rule: If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.
"A penny saved is ridiculous!"
Many people, when they run into a telephone pole, blame the pole!
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Is there another word for synonym?
What year did Jesus think it was?

Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
One good turn gets most of the blankets.
Rather die living than live to die.

Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
This shoe fits like a glove -Yogi BerraAvoid fruits and nuts.

You are what you eat. ~Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat) ~

"All true wisdom is found on T-shirts."
"If two wrongs don't make a right, try three."
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
Don't kiss a fool, or let a kiss fool youBoycott shampoo.
Demand real poo.
Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
Wethern's LawNever eat anything at one sitting that you can't lift.
Miss PiggyFungus is actually alive.

Be afraid.
My parents made me what I am today.
I'm thinking of suing.

90% of all statistics are made up
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
Never use intuition.
Omar BradleyNever try to lick a glacier for some moisture.

Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought
'Where the hell is the ceiling?'
Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Consider the daffodil.
And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.